I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
