so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
