Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Randomize
