i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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