Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
