So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
