i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
