just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize