help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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