Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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