i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
