clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
