I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
