I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
