Soap is not a condiment
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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