I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
