It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
