she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
