you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
