Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
