Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
