As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
