wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
