You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
