I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize