Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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