He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
