just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize