It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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