You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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