I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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