i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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