I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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