Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
