Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
