so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
He felt like a one man threesome
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
