The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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