i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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