fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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