17 year olds will be the death of me.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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