I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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