He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
