I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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