Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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