We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
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