while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
