last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
the gays at disneyland are vicious
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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