i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
