I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
