he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Dicks are not precious.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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