Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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