Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
