im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize