the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
