I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
His hands were made for my vagina.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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