i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
