The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm going to jail i love you
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
