im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
