sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize