he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
