Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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