I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
