i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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