I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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