I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
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